Yup, you heard me right. Boobies!! I could’ve made a witty remark pertaining to chicken breast, but I’m taking the low road.
On this night, Chickens still claws his way between life and death. The rest of the group waits restlessly in the mansion, passing time as best as they can, and waiting. But right now, we aren’t focused on them. We’ll return to their idiocy in a while. Now, we drift through the night to the southern end of Tinkerhaven, where we find Russellbob in the hallway of a perhaps not so willingly abandoned home.
Russellbob stands just inside the broken front door of the house where the diseased bear came out of. The darkness down the hall is absolute and the odors of urine and unwashed body is thick in the air. Russellbob trails his hand along the wall as he creeps forward, regretting this very shortly after as he finds the wall to be damp and sticky. Deeper into the darkness, he hears brief rustling noises, and small whimpers. Stepping through the darkness, Russellbob gets his feet tangled in some type of cloth. He manages not to fall, but at the noise, the whimpering stops immediately. Holding absolutely still in the darkness, Russellbob briefly entertains a fantasy about waterfowl of ill repute before continuing slowly onward. Progressing onward, Russellbob finds maintaining silence becomes more and more difficult as more unseen debris litters the floor. Russellbob reaches the end of the wall, which makes a 90 degree turn to the left. The darkness within is absolute. Deciding that the danger within is too great, he then turns back and makes his out of the building to the safety of the bear carcass outside. Heading toward the open door provides enough ambient nocturnal light to make his trip out slightly easier than his journey in.
Sticking to the outside of the house Russellbob works his way to the rear of the home, his shadow mingling with the shadows from the trees. The night has grown quite chilly, and Russellbob can see his breath. Trying diligently to maintain silence, he manages to step on every stick and leaf on they way, making himself the noisiest shadow in the night. Russellbob moves from tree to tree, following the shadows from one to another, and makes his way out past the house, and deeper into the woods. The smell of smoke is still prevalent from the day’s earlier mini forest fire. The clouds pass by the moon, at times reducing visibility dramatically. Then, to his left, Russellbob hears the semi-canine sounds of kobolds. Moving as if a piece of the night itself, he moves through the trees. Over a small hill, Russellbob has to slowly crawl through some bushes and ground scrub until he finally is able to make out two kobolds in the night. They are facing generally to Russellbob’s left, back towards the main part of the village. They carry no light, and while definitely not all that intelligent, they are not behaving like blood thirsty beasts. The kobolds are conversing in that hausfrau/dachsund language of thiers, and gesturing both towards the village, and looking back from where they came. In the dim light, Russelbob can’t make out many specifics. Russellbob quietly, carefully works his way around them and past. He is shivering from lying on the cold ground when he sees a light through the trees. Getting closer, Russellbob sees that the light is coming out from an open window on the side of a gnomish home.
Lying on his sickbed, back in Reorx’s temple, Chickens bolts upright from a particularly painful clot passing through his heart, and yells “They gave me 100 gold pieces for my old one!!” Most of this is vocalized through the spear wound in his neck, but a suddenly awakened Shaghorn gets the gist of it.
In the mansion, Turqeel is praying and giving devotions. Instead of the feel of power he normally has with this, he feels uneasy and a bit anxious.
Meanwhile, as Chickens is disclosing his past business transactions, Russellbob makes his way to the window of the house, and peers inside like the little peeping tom that he is. Being a gnomish home, the windowsill isn’t much higher than the top of Russellbob’s head. Pullinig himself up and peering in, like the village’s smallest voyeur, he sees at least a dozen kobolds sitting in a wide area of what must’ve been a workroom. They are burning furniture from the house and wood from outside. Benches have been pushed aside to make room. He notices not only kobold warriors, but five females (btw, they’re NOT hot), and a very young one. It lays next to it’s mother, sucking on the end of it’s tail, looking around with wide eyes. As Russellbob is taking in the scene, one of his feet slips a little against the outside of the house, making a slight scratching sound. The little one looks directly at him. Russellbob freezes in place and watches for any other reactions, or more reaction from the kolboldling. It only stares at him curiously. It’s eyes move to its mother for a moment. Then back to the brownie head in the window. The mother kobold is dozing fitfully by the remainder of a workbench that is burning. A couple other larger (for kobolds) males are arguing over an axe. Some type of meat burns on the fire. The little one reaches a clawed hand out toward Russellbob for a moment, then goes back to playing with it’s tail. Lowering himself back to the ground, Russellbob makes his way to the front of the house, where he finds a bored kobold standing guard, sharpening a spear. Quietly and nervously, Russellbob backtracks his way through the woods, circling wide around the area where the two kobolds were previously. Other than an aggressive pricker bush, he encounters no other creatures as he makes his way back to the House of the Dead Bear. From there, he sneaks forward until he can see the gnomeflinger with the downed net sticking up against the horizon, and uses his dimension door ability to travel to it. From there, quite drained, he walks the rest of the way to Shaghorn’s temple. Upon entering the temple, Russellbob finds Cues snoozing in a chair, waiting for his return. Cues wakes up and greets Russellbob, who responds by totally leaving Cues hanging. Russellbob walks right past him to the shimmery area in the air where the entrance to the mansion is, and without a look back, enters. He goes directly to his room, and asks for a bath to be prepared. He is chilled to the bone, and the hot water is heavenly.
Turqeel decides to make filth soup, and takes a bath. He asks the semiopaque butler to clean his robe. The butlers are supposed to be just mindless constructs of the spell that created the mansion, but Turqeel is pretty sure that he detects an air of disapproval as the butler picks his robe up between two outstretched fingers and leaves. Turqeel soaks for a long time, reveling in the sensation of feeling clean. Long after his bath water has cooled, and his robe has been returned clean, but stained, he gets out and towels off.
A SLAM is heard out in the hallway, and Turqeel and Russellbob both dress and go to investigate. Turqeel’s robe is instantly encrusted in filth. It just seeps into the robe, complete with flies buzzing around it. The stench is terrible. Russellbob’s robe is not at all filthy. It is instead rather adorable. The two knock on a door or two trying to find the source of the noise. At the second door, Froderick sticks his head out. He has a stupid dark blue/light blue night cap on, and looks like he’s just been roused. He is quite pleased to see his friend back safely, and gets a brief report before retiring back to bed.
Turqeel takes yet another bath, and decides that if he sleeps nude, he’ll at least have clean sheets. He never asks for the butler’s opinion on this decision. By the time he is done soaking again, he is exhausted. However, his dreams provide him with little rest. He dreams of a realm of wailing souls. There is a huge tower, and the outside of it is made up of people. They are standing on each other, trapped into the surface of the tower itself. Bugs fly in a thick cloud about them, biting them, stinging them, nesting in them. The cursing and wailing is deafening. Turqeel knows there is a message in this, but can’t quite figure it out. Whatever it is, he doesn’t like it.
Hours later, Tomas rouses everyone by banging on doors, urging them to gather their belongings and leave the mansion. Turqeel covers himself with a sheet, instead of soiling another clean robe. Podmidor falls down the stairs hard enough to take damage while trying to navigate them with his head still reversed. Again, the group must traverse their way through a group of tearful butlers. They really seem to hate goodbyes!
When Turqeel steps out of the mansion, he finds himself instantly BUCK ASS NEKKID, his scrawny little ass on display for all to see. Shaghorn and Cues stand wide-eyed, trying to look everywhere but at Turqeel. Speaking slowly, an oddity for tinker gnomes, Shaghorn greets him with, “Uh…Reorx’s blessing this morning…” Turqeel hastily dresses, and
immediately, the robe becomes grimed and filthy. AGAIN, the flies buzz around him.
The stench of mold, rot, old vegetables, and skunk urine fills the air.
Ignoring the stench, Shaghorn says, “GoodtimingIwasjustgettingreadytoseewhatIcandoforChickens”. As Shaghorn begins to cast over Chickens, a hush falls over the room. A light gathers over Shag’s holy symbol as he prays,casts, and chants. The light suffuses Chickens as well…who begins screaming in pain. The hole in his neck closes, the hole in his sternum closes…The pain coursing through Chickens is unbearable, as if every molecule were at once set afire and electrocuted. Shaghorn is stunned, never having seen a healing be received in such a manner. As the warm light of the healing sinks into Chickens body, he shrieks in pain and…changes…The rest of the party is aware of the changes, but Chickens is only aware of the agony. His beard grows thinner, and nearly vanishes…his features become more rounded…softer…as his chest wound closes, beneath the shredded cloth the party sees the flesh begin to grow until two healthy B cups stare at them gloriously.
“BAHAHA” bursts from Pod, the guy with his head on backwards, as his arm awkwardly extends behind his body to point at Chickens. The rest of the party is at once stunned and embarrassed. Froderick rolls his eyes and exclaims, “ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!” Chickens has passed out from the pain. Shaghorn sprinkles water on his face, and Chickens comes to, gagging on the smell from Turqeel’s robes. He is as yet unaware of his new accessories.
As Chickens is become aware of the surroundings and his place within them, Shaghorn casts Remove Curse on both Podmidor and Turqeel. Podmidor’s head returns to facing the correct direction, but Turqeel’s robes still remain dirty and repulsive. As Pod relishes the feeling of being able to look down and see the front of his body, Turqeel begins pressing to find a bath that he can use.